25 Lessons I learnt while living alone in a new country

Having lived in Mumbai all my life, moving to the US was an experience.. These are some of lessons life taught me.

1. Develop a hobby. Preferably something you can do alone. (photography, running, swimming, sketching, yoga, etc)
2. Take on life’s ‘surprises’ with the attitude that there will be something positive for you in the whole experience. (either way you don’t have anyone to crib about it to!)
3. Invest in good underwear.
4. Learn to love your own self.
5. Stop being afraid of being alone. Learn to eat by yourself in restaurants and go to the movies alone. It’ll generally make you less dependent on others and also help you appreciate good company better.
6. Girls – always keep a fake story prepared in your head to fend off unwanted advances.
7. Its totally okay to cry. No one’s life is as perfect as seen on facebook or instagram.
8. Don’t be afraid to tell your family how much you love them and how much you miss them.
9. At the same time, don’t be afraid to share with them how much you enjoy the independence.
10. Wake up for the sun rise once in a while. Try to see the sun set sometime too.
11. Taking the public transport helps you understand the city and its people better.
12. Once in a while, read / write in your native language. It will touch a part of you that people in that place may not see often.
13. Not having a shower once a week is okay!
14. If you think you deserve something, ask for it. Tell the other party why you actually deserve it. Realize that you are most likely alone in your fight.
15. Take good care of your own health. There wouldn’t really be anyone to take time off for taking care of you.
16. Occasionally, go for long relaxing walks by yourself.
17. Make at least one real friend – one you can call in case of an emergency, a shoulder to cry on, someone you can trust.
18. Its okay to not be in love with someone. If and when it has to come, it will. Don’t let that affect the way you decide to live your life.
19. Indulge when you feel like you’ve earned it. That time, that moment, those feelings will never come back.
20. However, make sure you save money for a ‘rainy day’.
21. Stay in touch with your old friends. They know a big part of you and appreciate it too.
22. Learn to smile, say ‘thank you’, ‘sorry’ a lot more. It makes you come across as polite and courteous.
23. Once in a while, stay off electronics. Go to a park or the beach or for a hike.. and let go of all your electronics in the car. Play, run, get a tan (without a selfie on facebook!).. make a real connection!
24. Find a place in the city where you feel peaceful.
25. Be a tourist once and explore the city. That way, when someone visits you, you can actually give an opinion. Also, you would have then explored the city as a tourist and as a local.

Living alone and independent in a new country is challenging, rewarding and a life changing experience. Make it count well.

For the unhappy soul...

I took up the 100 Happy days challenge on facebook. I am on Day 57 and honestly, it feels fantastic.

This challenge showed me that no matter how irritating and frustrating life is sometimes, there are surely a few things in a day that can make you smile. Life isn't as tough and as complicated as we want to make it. Often, we are so overwhelmed by the problems that we cannot find strength to look for and implement the solutions. Sometimes, we fail to communicate, ask for help. There are times when we are just exhausted by the drama and the endless cycle of bullshit. It is definitely not the easiest time in the world.

That old phrase.. 'The grass is always greener on the other side'.. got me thinking once. If the other side feels that the grass on my side is green, then what in the world is stopping me from enjoying that! 

The philosophy kinda stuck. I decided to see what was green on my end. turns out.. quite a bit. 

Living in a beautiful city (Los Angeles - So much to see and explore).
Saving money for some excellent vacations. (East coast, Vegas, SF!)
Making new friends and learning so much about random things (Did you know that a chinese surname with 2 consonants implies that someone in their forefathers was like a celebrated genius!)
Learning that food is one of the best ways to know about a culture or a person.
Doing stuff alone, may be looked at weirdly sometimes.. but is oddly satisfying.
Realizing the importance of family and well, they understand your importance too
Understanding that boys, all over the world, are the same. Oblivious, Emotionally challenged.

So now, everyday is a choice for me. To brood on what I cannot control OR To accept it, not let it screw my head and show the damn world that I can handle my own shit very well.

2 months ago, I was sad, lonely, in a foreign country, struggling with personal and professional stuff.
I needed something to keep me going everyday. The challenge was just the beginning. I will recommend it to anyone who feels that they simply need something to look forward to everyday. 
It made me realize that I need to be brave and selfish for my own happiness. I am capable of that. And that, it is not a bad thing.

Yet another New Year!

I read somewhere that man is probably the only creature who takes time so seriously.. The birds, the trees, the animals, no one apart from humans seems in a rush to make as much of time as possible. I had never thought about it in such a way. We use time so often to discipline ourselves.. Trains to catch.. Flight schedules, meetings, daylight savings (why not just adjust your schedules to make the most of it?!), birthdays, anniversaries, timezones, alarm clocks. We humans are obsessed with time. And a new year (apparently) indicates a passage of significant amount of time in our lives.

This whole concept of 'the-rest-of-the-nature-not-taking-it-seriously' kinda stuck to me. We do certainly delve too much into the past and hope too much from the future. It does add drama to our lives. 

But honestly, its a lot of fuss about one date. Why can't we make a resolution on any other date. Its gonna be as unsuccessful as all your past resolutions were! We are allowed to party (and not pay exorbitantly) the rest of the year too. Maybe its just a common day everyone decided to take off. You can introspect anytime during the rest of the year too.. Its not awkward. (What is a little awkward is putting it up on facebook for the rest of the world to read!)

I'm not saying I don't like NYE and the celebrations. I like an excuse for a celebration. But I think we have too much fuss around one date. I like to take lessons from nature. Let the world run on its pace and not time it. Let everyone just enjoy life and not run behind making up for lost time (cuz honestly whats gone, is gone.)

As one of my favourite artist pens in one of his songs..

"Well I’m sick of this town, this blind man’s forage

They take your dreams down and stick them in storage

You can have them back son when you’ve paid off your mortgage and loans"

Life doesn't have to be a time-bound plan. It could just be a free flowing river, a fish in the sea, a chase of your dreams.

Make today special by starting to chase your dreams. And then repeat the same tomorrow. And the day after. And so on. I think, life will be one big party then.

Psst: I do make resolutions. This year, its to travel to new places more. Atleast once in every 4-5 months. And I've already started it. Discovering west coast. :-)

The Quarter Life Crisis

So… I see this link on facebook and damnit! A realization sets in with my morning coffee... Whoa… I am already facing a quarter-life crisis. There’s a decent job, no boyfriend (no desire to have one either!), life is routine, hobbies are occasionally thought of (more like yearned on), friends are there but busy with their own lives, parents want me to just get married and fast. Sigh!

I again begin my daydreams of really enjoying life like I want to. Work 9 hours a day, 4 days a week. Travel on shoestring budgets and just discover places. Read and read a lot. Lose those extra inches and get a fabulous body. Discover something I am so passionate about that I lose myself in it and lose myself in this world. And so on… Everyday, atleast once a day, I daydream. 4 months away from being 25, I wish I were still 18 and would’ve done more. I wish my life were different and I wish I would do something.

The interesting part is, I know a lot of folks going through the same. They are bored with their jobs, they want no serious relationships (or are so committed in one that it doesn’t particularly count) and they want to read or travel or work in an NGO or just start something. There are just too many people of this category. And it made me wonder.. Why are we all so dissatisfied and unhappy? We have the ability and the power to make decisions for ourselves and yet we complain, we agonize, and rarely do anything about it.

The truth is we are a struggling generation. A generation trying to desperately bridge the gap between old and new. A generation who has seen the likes of the handheld phone and the smartphones to google glass. (Yes, our parents have also seen them, but unlike us, they are happy with the old tech!) A generation to have seen movies in single screen halls to multiplexes to Movies on demand on your home theater. A generation which has seen joint families, housewives and double income nuclear families. A generation that debates whether 24*7 connectivity is a boon or a curse (Remember the fav topic of school essays: Science a boon or a curse. Simpler times!) A generation that has seen a recession cycle and that actually understands how the economy works, how it can be fixed and well, how we can sit around and do nothing about it.

‘Ignorance is bliss’- that was the old saying. In today’s world of knowledge economy, all our wealth is knowledge. And I fear our generation has too much to process, too many things to consider and reconsider, too many options to seek information from. And with the rest of our world’s success and aspirations being rubbed on our face everyday with facebook and instagram, we really don’t want to make ourselves feel more miserable.

The average 25-year old today has seen enough changes in the world, that the pressure to make the right decision gets the better of us. Keeping up with this change is what we are learning and we Indians… Well, we are keeping up with the westernization vs. traditional war as well! It is a war out there… A war to get the perfect job, the perfect partner, a corruption-free developing/growing country, a robust economy… 

So lets cut ourselves some slack and do what we actually want to do. Make quick decisions and stick to them. Not think too much cuz that always made the decision more difficult. Let go off the pursuit for the 'extra' knowledge.. Why? Because you can. And stop this war in our own heads and hearts. Cuz whatever the war may be outside, we would finally want to die with no regrets and only peace in our lives.

And yes.. Happy Birthday Harry Potter! :)

Untamed

One gushing wave simply stops it all
A fleeting instant and inside I fall
The silent sea shouting at me
There’s no other place to go or flee

Waves upon waves just come and go
My eyes complete the follow through
Together, they all create such a noise
Individual identities subtly poised

That salty smell fills my body
The entire experience one deep melancholy
Filling my veins, my body, my soul
A sense of completion, a part of the whole

The untamed nature is where I belong
A tear in my eye and a smile comes along
And a sense of tranquility envelopes me
I close my eyes and everything I can see.



P.S.: Inspired @ Bandstand

Nostalgia

It all comes to me in a sudden rush

Like waves that touch the rocks at the sea shore

Time moved on, and so did I

But memories stay longer than ever before

Those times when life seemed carefree

And the biggest worry was the pending homework

The days and the evenings were playing sport

And not the games people play at work

And being a rebel as a teenager

Friends were above what parents said

Learning and discovering what life is

Being an adult was all in the head

Come graduation, we knew it all

The world awaits us, is what we thought

Heart and confidence both took some beating

Anything and everything could be bought

No regrets in life is the best option

We did what was best and made us wiser

Mistakes are made by one and all

We pick ourselves after we fall wherever

Those tough times made us who we are

And a clear sky never makes a good pilot

Blocks were there to make life colourful

Black, white, red, blue and violet!!

Pain

One lesson life teaches in vain

There is no gain without some pain

Like the pleasure to look tall with painful heels

You silently wish they had two wheels

The pain when someone stamps your foot

You regret having not worn your boots

But the docs found cures for all this shit
it’s the heart where you are worst hit

The agony of a backstabbing friend

The trust for the world then instantly ends

When death takes a loved one away

Sharing the pain seems the only way

Heartbreak is the hardest to bear

Makes you cry and makes you swear

Love seems the worst idea ever

Life begins to look like ‘Its over’.

The world looks like an unfair place

When all the pain is in your face

Fear of pain is worse than the real

Transcending the painful to surreal

The strength to bear it is given by the Lord

A wiser us is the ultimate reward

Some pain makes the reward more sweet

Lets be aware and mistakes not repeat

Changing Times

One touch and the world is alive
3 year olds are no longer naive
Life is in the fast track lines
We live today in changing times

Connect and communicate with all
Have fun on the facebook wall
Billionaires are created online
We live today in changing times

A tablet is no longer just a pill
Too much comfort making us ill
Credit card limits keeps on flying
We live today in changing times

A walk in the park needs Nike shoes
LCD, LED and technologies new
BB Pin is the identity tonight
We live today in changing times

Mercedes and Audis on the roads
Amazon and ebay being no frauds
Unwinding demands a Smirnoff lime
We live today in changing times

Roti, kapda, makan and cell phone
24 x 7 connected and still alone
I miss the morning chirps and chimes
We live today in changing times